Dancing Barefoot
by Vulcan Wolf
Summary: Jim/Uhura goodness. Christmas fic. Thanks to JadeMac2442, whose awesome story "So She Dances" inspired this foray. I figured, what if Jim had a shot at happiness with Uhura? This is the end-result. Chapter One edited.
1. Chapter 1

**_Seeing as I'm on a publishing binge right now, I figured I might as well post this little number. It's something I started writing around Christmas, and meant to post at the time. Just never got around to it. Here's a Kirk/Uhura fic. Enjoy!_**

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Chapter One

Some nights Jim Kirk could sleep like the dead, other nights he couldn't sleep at all. This night was one of the latter. He'd worked Alpha Shift, Beta Shift 1 _and _2, and Gamma shift had started forty-five minutes ago. Jim just couldn't _sleep_. So, he kicked off his blankets, dragged on a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt and headed off to find solace in the quiet of the sleeping ship. Staying well away from Sickbay, where he _knew _Bones was going over that days reports and logs, Jim wandered the quiet passages and just smiled at the Gamma shifters who jumped out of his way with a wide-eyed "Captain!" and a hasty salute. He never failed to take them by surprise, even if they'd seen him like this a dozen times already. Going to the observation-deck, Jim was surprised to find it occupied. His first clue was the music he could hear. All the lights were at _maybe_ five percent, barely enough to see by, but just enough that Jim could see the observation deck's single occupant. It was Nyota Uhura, his talented, cold communications officer. This wasn't the first time he'd caught her dancing on the observation deck, it probably wouldn't be the last. She always danced to the same song, a pop-classical piece called "Who Wants To Live Forever?" by some artist Jim could never _quite _remember. He watched tonight, as always, mesmerized by the way Uhura moved to the rhythm of the music. Jim wondered if Uhura was aware of his voyeurism, if she knew he came up here and watched her. It didn't seem she had any awareness, or she just didn't say anything, she never acted any differently around him while they were on shift together. He always left before the end of the song, but tonight he stayed. When the song ended, another song began and Uhura kept moving.

Having spent years as his mother's obligatory dance-partner, Jim knew a thing or two about ballroom, and had written her a thank-you for forcing him to take lessons, for cattle-prodding him through Cotillion in high school, most recently when the Enterprise was sent to observe a treaty-process between two alien races. There had been a banquet at the conclusion of the conference, and Jim had danced with top-ranking diplomats and government officials on both sides of the arrangement. Not his favorite pastime, he preferred dancing with his own age-peers, but he did it gracefully and with a smile.

* * *

Watching Uhura reminded him of something he could never have. Something he could dream about, wish for, and pine after, but it would never _be _his. As she continued to dance, Jim wasn't surprised to notice her tears. She always cried when she danced. It always hurt to see her cry, and Jim always felt guilty because there was nothing he could do to help her. She didn't want his help, or need it, and she certainly didn't need or want his pity. But tonight, Jim didn't care. He'd watched this go on for a month, it had to stop somewhere. Bracing himself for rejection of the worst kind, Jim moved into the observation deck and let the door close behind him. He crossed the deck to Uhura, who didn't seem to be at all aware of him, and stopped just behind her. This close, it was hard to resist touching. Jim gave in to his need and trailed the fingertips of one hand across her shoulders and down one arm, reveling in the freedom to touch, the sensation of her skin against his fingertips. She turned into his touch, not away from it, and Jim stepped backwards, taking the lead from her. She followed without objection, without question. and Jim's heart dared to leap for joy when she finally relaxed enough to put her arms around him and lay her head on his shoulder. Four minutes and sixteen seconds passed in complete silence, but plenty was being said between Jim and Uhura. Body-language was a beautiful thing and as they danced, Jim realized all of the signals he'd been missing or blind to since the beginning and more recently.

_God, talk about the dumb-shit ignorant farmboy. _He thought bitterly, _I've been mooning after her for so long I didn't even notice when she was interested. _When the song ended, Jim's back was to the wall. He backed up until he reached the wall and he leaned against it, pulling her close.

"Jim?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks." She looked up at him and smiled. Jim had to touch. Reaching up with one hand, he stroked the line of her cheekbone with his thumb, catching the tears.

"I didn't know if this would get my ass kicked or not."

"No." She leaned into the touch, "I kept wondering how long it would take you to get up the nerve and dance with me." Ah, so she _had _been aware of it. Jim just smiled.

"So you knew I watched you?"

"At first I thought you were Spock, but how could it be?"

"Y'know, he might be happy as a lark, but he was an idiot for leaving you like that." Jim was probably one of the only people on the Enterprise who knew about the break-up between Spock and Uhura. It wasn't common knowledge and he wasn't sure anyone else on the bridge-crew knew about it. He knew, and Bones knew, but as far as the gossip-chain went, he didn't think it had gotten far beyond their foursome. Bones and Spock were private people, they weren't about to flaunt their newfound relationship in front of three hundred and forty-five people. Jim waited for Uhura to pull away, but she didn't.

"He said he never wanted to hurt me, but he wanted to be _happy_."

"And for him to be happy, he had to hurt you. Love sucks, sweetheart, believe me, I know." Jim angled her head back, kissing the tears from her skin. He didn't actually kiss her, as much as he wanted to, it was too soon. Jim _did _walk Uhura back to her quarters, though. At the door to her quarters, he said goodnight.

"Where are you going?"

"I think I can sleep now, Lieutenant." He smiled at her and turned away.

"Jim, wait." She caught him by the hand. He turned back to her.

"What?"

"Thank you for dancing with me."

"You're welcome. Good night, Uhura." He pulled away and left her behind. Going to Sickbay, he was about to knock on the door to the office when he paused. He could hear voices inside and leaned against the door, straining to listen. He jerked backwards at the sound of laughter from inside. It was like watching a really bad movie, it felt awkward and dirty. Jim quietly backed away and fled Sickbay. Once in the lift, Jim hesitated over the deck-button. He hit one without really looking, and yet knew exactly where he was going. When he stepped off the lift when it stopped, he turned right, went ten paces to the corner, rounded the corner to the left, and went five paces more until he came to a door. He touched the chime and hoped she would let him in.

"Who is it?"

"It's me." Stupid answer, it could be _any_one, "Please let me in." To Jim's everlasting surprise, the door opened. He went inside without waiting for a proper invitation.

"Jim! You look terrible!" Uhura was at his side in a heartbeat, leading him into her quarters, "I thought you were going back to your quarters!"

"I took a detour." He looked for somewhere to sit and ended up on the bed, "I shouldn't have gone down there, I should have just gone straight to bed, like I said I was going to." Uhura didn't ask where he'd gone as he put his head in his hands. She sat down on the bed next to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She put an arm around his shoulders, a bold move, "You were his best friend." Jim got things under control and stared at the floor. Uhura pulled until he relaxed and he let himself fall backwards on the narrow bed.

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That night, for the first time in six months, Jim fell asleep in another bed besides his. More importantly, he fell asleep in a girl's bed, the only girl's bed he had never imagined being welcomed into like he had. For the first time in months, Jim slept through Gamma Shift. But his internal alarm-clock had him up well before Alpha Shift. Beside him, Uhura slept away the remaining hours before any of the Senior Officers had to report for duty. Jim lay there and watched her, wondering if this was the first of many or the last, and decided he really didn't care. He had somebody to turn to, a place to go when his quarters got too quiet. Jim finally left the bed and crept out of the quiet cabin. He leaned down and kissed Uhura in her sleep before he left. Returning to his quarters, Jim took a shower and pulled out a clean uniform. He took care with his appearance this morning, which was kind of silly. It's not like he was trying to _impress_ anybody. Why would he bother impressing a girl who'd seen him in sweats and a tee-shirt last night? Well, why _not_? If he had even a smidge of a shot with Uhura, he'd take that sucker and hang on for the ride.

Jim, finally satisfied with his general appearance, headed for the Officer's Mess. Only a few officers used it, most of them ate in the crew mess. He saw Bones and Spock at one table, deep in conversation. It would definitely take a while for Jim to stop flinching every time he saw those two doing something perfectly _normal_. Breakfast-table conversation was no crime. Berating himself for an idiot, Jim got breakfast and found his table. It was empty this morning, just the way he liked it.

"Is that _all _you're eating?" Uhura's voice halfway through his scrambled eggs didn't surprise him, neither did the vaguely horrified expression on her face.

"Yep. You got a problem with that, sweetheart?"

"No wonder you're so skinny!" She sat down across from him. Jim just rolled his eyes. They did not speak of last night, keeping conversation neutral. After breakfast, it was time to report for Alpha Shift.

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It took a few months for people to realize that the Captain was in a serious, committed relationship with the communications officer. Some were surprised, others just wondered what had taken so long. Those who knew the couple best knew that, all appearances aside, Nyota Uhura had never despised Jim Kirk. He was a ladies man, true, but he was a gentleman at heart and wanted nothing more than to make a woman feel special and wanted. He just didn't know _how _to. His role-models were sadly lacking and he had never been particularly close with his own mother, so he flirted, bed-hopped, and caroused to his heart's content, avoiding committed relationships of _any _kind. His past was littered with a string of one-night stands and failed relationships miles long. But ever since meeting his future Communications Officer in a dive-bar outside of Riverside, Iowa, Jim had strived to impress the one girl he could never have. All of that work had finally paid off. And the best part of it all? Jim could finally have her.

After settling into a serious relationship with Nyota, Jim found that he was much happier and other people noticed it, too. He also slept more. Granted it was rare he slept in his own bed or _alone_, but he slept and that was enough for his mother-hen CMO and best friend. He also changed his diet, cutting out meat consumption until he ate almost _no _meat at all. Nyota was a strict vegetarian, but a "no meat" clause was not one of her rules for the relationship. Jim did that by himself. He also cut down on coffee consumption. Nyota drank tea, she preferred a green tea blend, Jim found a creamy chai blend to be much to his liking. Needless to say _that _shocked the socks off of Bones. Part of a committed relationship was making sacrifices for the one you loved, and Jim was making sacrifices. And surprisingly, he was perfectly okay with it.

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_**Well, that does it for Chapter One!! Love it? Hate it? Like it? Indifferent? More available on request. Reviews are welcome! Flames, however, are not.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Soon enough, the Christmas holiday had rolled around, bringing with it the multitude of international holidays that fell within the same time-frame. Jim personally didn't celebrate Christmas, he hadn't since he was ten years old. At the Academy, he and Bones had exchanged small gifts but there had been no marked acknowledgement that it was Christmas. Unwrap their gifts, toast with brandy, and go to bed. But they were going to be away from home this year, and Jim knew there were people who would expect _some_thing. So, he started planning a Christmas party to ease the sting of being so far from home on the holiday.

During a stop-over at Alpha Centauri the day before Christmas Eve, Jim looked for a Christmas Tree he could put in the mess-hall. He finally found a big Douglas Fir and had it shipped. It took ten people to get it upright, and they spent the rest of the day decorating the tree. There were the traditional tinsel and ornaments, but strange little keepsakes started popping up. Jim realized that everyone had brought back their favorite ornaments from the last shore-leave at home six months ago. They had all known the Enterprise would be out for Christmas, and so they'd planned ahead. God bless them. They were almost done when Jim realized they didn't have a tree-top ornament. He was contemplating this from a ladder, sitting on the rungs as he stared at the ornaments already decorating the branches. Closest at hand was a small gold-and-blue Star of David. He took the ornament and turned it over to see the back, where an inscription was engraved into the bands.

"To Pavel, On Your First Christmas. Remember Where You Come From." Jim frowned, "Chekov? He's _Jewish_?" That wouldn't surprise him, really. He swore he'd seen the kid wearing a Star of David on a chain around his neck, but he hadn't been entirely sure of that. Thinking of Chekov, Jim felt a stab of guilt. How many people would be _missing _their families?

"Captain!" Spock's shout from below startled him and he almost fell off the ladder. He caught himself and exhaled sharply.

"For Christ's sake, Spock, would you mind?" he glared down at his First Officer, "What is it?"

"What are you doing?"

"It's Christmas Tree, Spock." He climbed off the ladder before he killed himself, "Haven't you seen one before?"

"Yes, I have, but…not in a very long time."

"You never celebrated Christmas growing up on Vulcan, did you?"

"Not often. Only when my father was off-world."

"Oh." And that was a fifty-fifty chance. Jim looked at the tree, which did look pretty good, "So, what do you think of our Christmas Tree, Spock?"

"I think my mother would have approved of it, Captain. She loved Christmas."

"You always get real quiet this time of year." Jim turned to Spock, "Nyota said you always got homesick around Christmas, now you just get real quiet. You miss her, don't you?"

"My mother was…a singularly wonderful woman, Jim. She would have loved you." It was close to smiling for Spock, and it occurred to Jim that Spock was hiding something behind his back.

"I wish I could have met her, Spock, I'm sorry she's not here to see the tree. What are you hiding back there?"

"I wished to add something to the tree, as it seems to be acceptable to add your own ornaments."

"That's most of what's up here, I just found Chekov's a minute ago." Of course, Chekov's hung right next to a ceramic Kanji character for Peace, that was Sulu's no doubt. Spock revealed the little box he'd hidden from sight. Jim took it and opened it to reveal the ornaments tucked inside. There were four. One ornament was absolutely stunning, and Jim fell in love with it.

"Oh, _wow_!" he lifted the ornament out of the box very carefully. It was a hollow orb of transparent blown glass, but _inside _the orb, carefully and meticulously formed, were fourteen tiny orbs. In the middle was an orange-yellowish orb, connected to the thirteen smaller orbs by slender veins of clear glass of varying color and clarity. He studied the details and looked at Spock, "Is this the Solar System?"

"Yes, Jim. It was a gift to my mother from my father one year we celebrated as a family."

"I'm almost afraid to _hang _this one." Jim turned to the tree and looked for a safe place to hang the glass miniature. There was a sturdy-looking branch at eye-level, so he found an ornament hook and carefully attached the ornament _to _the branch, making sure to put it far enough back it wouldn't fall off if someone brushed against the tree.

"Now _that's _what I call a Christmas Tree!" Bones' hail didn't really startle Jim, "Where did you _find _this thing?"

"Alpha Centauri, Bones. You're welcome."

"I'll be damned." Bones came up to join them, "Never let it be said Jim Kirk did anything small-scale."

"I'll let you two finish hanging Spock's ornaments, I've got to figure out what the hell I'm putting on top of this damn thing." Jim wanted to let Bones and Spock do this little thing together, they deserved it. He went around the tree to see how things looked all around, wondering why he still felt bitter when he saw them together. After a while, it just became too overwhelming. Jim made sure no one saw him leave as he snuck out of the mess hall alone. _So much for the Christmas Spirit. Fuck that._ Thankfully, the bridge was quiet and he collapsed in the command chair. Or he would have if he hadn't noticed something on it just in time shy of sitting on the damn thing. Jim picked up a little box wrapped in silver-foil paper and a red bow. Hmm. It looked like the kind of gift Bones used to leave out for him. He turned the tag over: "Merry Christmas to the one who forgot how to smile." What the…who was _this _from? Was his mood really that obvious? He'd tried, really he had, but apparently not hard enough. He unwrapped the box carefully and opened it. Inside were two things: a set of keys, and a model motorcycle turned into an ornament. He held up the ornament, "Wow, this looks like my old bike back home!" Which, by the way, Jim hadn't _owned _for eight years. He'd given it away the day he left for Starfleet and never once had he regretted it. What were the keys for? Deciding to keep the gift safe, Jim got up and left the bridge.

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When he got to his quarters, he stopped dead in his tracks. He noticed a few things right away. First, the lights were down to about fifteen percent, just enough to see by. The rest of the lighting came from the tiny, multicolored lights strung up onto a small, rather scrawny-looking Noble Fir. Christmas carols played softly from the audio-system, "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas" was the song of the hour as he walked in. Besides the tree and the music, there was no other sign of Christmas in his quarters. He went to investigate the Christmas Tree and took note of the ornaments. Jim recognized several of _his _ornaments, though he hadn't the faintest where they'd come from or how they'd gotten aboard the Enterprise. _He _certainly hadn't brought them. They were all ornaments from the first ten Christmases he remembered, mostly home-made ornaments or collected ornaments his mom would put up. Popsicle-stick snowflakes covered with glue and lots of glitter, the kind that shed like crazy if you _touched _them, papier-mâché ornaments shaped like who _knew _what those were supposed to be, and then the old-fashioned ornaments from his mom. On a whim, Jim added the motorcycle ornament. He put the keys in a safe place and lay down on his bed, listening to the carols and wondering who the hell had done this. He wasn't angry, despite his hate of the holiday for obvious reasons, but curious. He _knew _it wasn't Spock or Bones. Jim sighed and closed his eyes as the door opened.

"You _know _I hate Christmas, Eni."

"That's why I only did a tree. Don't be mad at me, Jim." She came to the bed. Jim opened his eyes as Nyota joined him on the bed and held out one arm.

"Where did you find my sorry excuse for a collection?"

"I asked your mom if she had any Christmas ornaments she wouldn't mind giving away."

"I'm surprised she _kept _any."

"You always get angry when you talk about her."

"She was never a real mother, she ran away and left us kids. Until I was ten, we would stay with my uncle. But then she married that loser and things just went downhill. For some reason, she thought it was okay to abandon her sons to her second husband, who beat the shit out of us for no good reason. I hated him, I hated _her_." Jim frowned, "Not a happy childhood."

"Jim, I want you to _enjoy_ this. We have a chance to make our own Christmas, bad memories adieu." Nyota rolled over so she straddled him and looked him straight in the eye.

"Eni…"

"No, I mean that. I won't _force _you to enjoy it, but I really want you to _try_."

"But how can I enjoy something that never made me _happy_? I haven't celebrated Christmas since I was ten years old!" Jim frowned at the ceiling, "I hate Christmas."

"You're exhausted, Jim, and over-stimulated. My cabin's empty, go and get some sleep." Nyota, god bless her, pulled him off the bed and pushed him out of his quarters. He didn't have the strength to argue with her, and did as she told him. Collapsing on her narrow bed, Jim buried his head in her pillow and cried himself to sleep. Why did he hate Christmas? Why did he hate that everyone else was so happy when _he _was so depressed? When he woke up the next morning, she was there behind him, just holding him. It was sweet, but it made him feel guilty.

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The Enterprise docked at Starbase 2-14 three days later and the crew got ready for shore-leave and their party. Jim was there to give them shore-leave, told them all to enjoy themselves and _please _stay out of trouble.

"Aren't you coming, Captain?" Sulu asked as the Senior Officers prepared to leave the Enterprise. Jim shook his head.

"Not this time, Sulu. You enjoy yourselves, don't worry about me." Of course they would, he _knew _they would. When a look was traded, he frowned, "Do I really have to make that an _order_?"

"No, sir."

"Good. I'll be fine, I promise." He sent them over himself, and did a sweep of the Enterprise. There was something seriously wrong with him, but…who could he talk to? His officers were gone, not that he'd talk to any of _them _about this problem. Oh, Sareil! Could he talk to the Ambassador? That was an idea, maybe the old man could help him out. He ran to the bridge and brought up Nyota's station. He got the right frequency and sent a hail to New Vulcan.

"This is James Kirk for Ambassador Sareil." He turned to the screen and waited. To his relief, Sareil answered.

"Jim?"

"Hey, old man. How's New Vulcan?"

"Peaceful. Is something wrong? You look ill." Smart man, observant. Jim sighed and sat down in the command chair, knowing Sareil could see him.

"Yeah, something's wrong. I'm alone right now, everybody's on shore-leave at Starbase 2-14."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"Didn't want to." He looked up, "Spock, did I _always _hate Christmas? Or is this unique to just me?"

"Hate Christmas? Oh _no_, Jim. Christmas was your favorite holiday. Why?"

"Well, _I _hate Christmas. We're nowhere near home, so I did the crew a favor and decided to throw a party tomorrow, but it just made me upset. And since Spock and Bones are a thing now, it's kind of hard."

"But as I recall, you are not alone."

"Nah, but we're not established, really." He leaned his elbows on his knees, "I don't want to hate Christmas, Spock, it's wrong. But…I don't know how to _not _hate it, I have no fond memories of the holiday from my childhood and we never really celebrated at the Academy."

"I wish I could help you, Jim, but anything I might tell you would only serve to make you more upset and defeat the purpose." Sareil looked sad, "Christmas was a very special holiday for my Jim and I, and I wonder if you wouldn't be happier if things had turned out differently."

"I can't wish for something that wasn't meant to be. You're a great friend, and one hell of a First Officer, but…I don't think you were meant to be _more _than that." Jim knew it hurt to hear that, it hurt to _say _it. He wouldn't look at the screen.

"Jim, does Spock know you feel this way?"

"Hell no! I can't even _look _at him without getting moody! He's _happy_, Sareil, I can't take that away from him just because I have this misplaced notion of possession. You know as well as I do, Spock made his choice and it wasn't me."

Sareil shook his head sadly, "I cannot force you to join in the festivities, but please do not think you must suffer this alone."

"It sure feels that way sometimes."

Sareil looked off screen for a moment, "Jim, I apologize, but I must go. Will you be alright?"

"I think I'll manage. Thanks for listening, old man. It was good to see you. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Jim, be well." Sareil signed off first and Jim was left sitting in the command chair on an empty bridge on an even emptier ship. A saying came to mind that fit the occasion a little _too _well: "People only spend Christmas alone because they think no one loves them." He wasn't entirely alone, but it sure felt that way.

"Computer, play Program Kirk 2 Alpha." He stared out at the stars wheeling past the Enterprise as the first strains of "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts filled the bridge.

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**_Sorry it took so long! I'm on an update streak and thought I'd give Dancing Barefoot some TLC. Chapter One has been edited! And kudos and cyber-cookies to anybody who picked up the "Bones" reference!! Review, my loyal readers! I thrive on reviews!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_A special guest makes his appearance in this chapter! FYI: I have a thing for George Kirk and I like bringing him back in various and asunder creative ways. This is just one of them. Cheers! Read, click, and review!_**

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Chapter Three

While Jim listened to sad songs on the bridge, wishing he didn't hate the holidays so much, his officers were enjoying themselves but still wishing their captain had joined them. The boys had scattered to sample the station's offerings, Lieutenant Sulu had last been seen coaxing Ensign Chekov into a restaurant that boasted the best sushi outside of Kyoto and Doctor McCoy had last been seen browsing old books with Commander Spock, leaving Nyota Uhura to her own designs. She had found another bookstore and was browsing the old books for anything she thought her captain hadn't read yet when she was startled by the sound of laughter. It was Jim's laugh and she spun on her heel, thinking he'd come to the station after all, but it _wasn't _Jim she saw. Outside the shop, she saw two gentlemen, one in Starfleet uniform. She would have known Admiral Pike anywhere, but she wasn't sure about the man beside him.

"I swear, I'll only be a minute, Chris."

"If I didn't know you so well, Rory, I'd believe you. Let you loose in a bookstore and you disappear for hours. Just like that son of yours, he thrives on old books."

"I hear this store carries some good choices. Come with me or stay out here and wait if you want." The other man hadn't stopped laughing, and Nyota ducked behind a shelf of books. She peeked out again to see him come in, Admiral Pike two steps behind, and gasped as he raked one hand through graying hair, just like Jim did! Shivering with nerves, Nyota searched vainly for a book. He liked Shakespeare, poetry, and Patrick O'Brian. On the shelf just above her reach, she saw a volume of 18th century poetry. Oh, Jim would _love _that! But she couldn't reach it, hard as she tried.

"Here, allow me." Nyota gasped as someone reached over her head and pulled the book down for her.

"Oh! T-thank you, sir." She stammered, taking the book from the gentleman with Admiral Pike.

"Do you read poetry?"

"This is a…Christmas present." She gulped. Rory, Admiral Pike had called him Rory. At close quarters, Nyota saw so _much _of Jim in his face, in his eyes, she wanted to jump up and down and scream. Or at least hug the man.

"Fortunate friend." The man smiled and stepped back to scan the shelves.

"What are you looking for?"

"Shakespeare, a particular volume of his dramas."

"Which volume?"

"Volume III, it should have Romeo and Juliet in it." He leaned back, frowning, "They seem to have all but that one, damn it." Nyota looked at the second book she was holding, and then at the civilian.

"Here." She held it out to him, "I was going to get both of them, but I think he already has that volume." And even if Jim _didn't _have it, she'd find it somewhere else.

"Are you sure?"

"Please take it, you need it more than I do." She smiled shyly, "It's not everyday I find somebody who likes Shakespeare as much as Jim."

"Oh, a boyfriend, then?"

"I guess you could call him that. He's good to me." She blushed.

"Lieutenant Uhura! What are _you _doing in here?" Admiral Pike's boisterous hail made her jump and she resisted glaring at him.

"Admiral Pike, good morning, sir. We're on shore-leave." She got herself together, "Didn't you see the Enterprise out in orbit?"

"I thought I had. She looks good, you kids are taking good care of her." Pike beamed. The Enterprise had been his once, giving her up had been hard for him.

"We try, sir."

"Ah, so you're an Enterprise." The man, he _had _to be a Kirk, just smiled, "I should have known, you're in uniform."

"Lieutenant, I've seen almost every one of the senior officers, but not a whit of the captain." Pike gave her _that _look.

"Oh, no, sir. H-he stayed behind on the Enterprise. He said he would be alright."

"And you believed him?"

"He made it an order, sir."

"Who's this?"

"Jim, Rory. _Your _Jim, actually."

"He stayed behind on his ship? How is that a problem?"

"Jim hates Christmas, sir. He stayed behind because he didn't want to ruin it for anyone else by being sad when the rest of us are so happy." Nyota blushed, "We tried, but he threatened to make it a direct order. He said he'd be just fine."

"That's Jim for you, he'll bend over backwards to make everybody else happy and then hide in a Jeffries Tube until the party's over." Pike shook his head, "We can't force him to enjoy himself. But, before I forget, Lieutenant Uhura, I'd like you to meet someone. This," Pike smiled now, a content, almost sad smile as he put an arm around the civilian's shoulders, "is George Kirk. Best friend and living Starfleet legend." Nyota almost dropped her book.

"You're alive!"

"Long story behind that mishap, sweetheart." The elder Kirk shrugged, showing a hint of the infamous Kirk Smirk. Nyota realized now that she had mistaken him for a civilian at first because of the non-descript long-coat he wore over his uniform.

"Are you…still active, sir?"

"At least until Admiral Eleuth and the others shove me into retirement, my dear. My son is lucky to have you if you're his officer."

"Communications, sir."

"Uhura here majored in xenolinguistics at the Academy, she's one of our sharpest minds." Pike smirked at her blush, "One of the only people I know of who can speak and translate all three dialects of Romulan."

"Any involvement in that mess a few years back?"

"Yes, sir."

"One of the lucky few." Kirk shook his head sadly, "My only consolation was knowing Jim was okay, and that Chris was still alive."

"He really stayed behind this time?" Pike asked as they headed to the back of the store to make their purchases. Nyota nodded.

"I feel so bad for him, he has nothing to make Christmas worth remembering."

"No one should ever spend Christmas alone." Kirk shook his head sadly and Nyota had the most absurd idea. There was no way it could work, but she _had _to try. Leaving the bookstore, she caught sight of the boys just ahead of her. They were coming her way, and caught sight of them just then. Behind her, she heard Kirk and Pike speaking in quiet tones and tried not to smile. Pike flagged down a porter and turned over Kirk's jacket and the book. Nyota peeked over her shoulder and wondered if it was just genetic for the Kirks to look so damn handsome in Starfleet gold.

"Nyota!" Spock called her name and she excused herself to the senior officers.

"Go on, Lieutenant." Kirk just smiled. She joined the boys.

"Who is _that_?" McCoy was staring at Kirk, "He looks like Jim!"

"That's Admiral Kirk." Nyota just smiled and waited for that to sink in. It did, and the boys were fast to pay their respects. Pike introduced them in turn as First Officer and Chief Medical Officer of the Enterprise, and she knew they had the stamp of approval. Somehow, they all ended up back on the Enterprise together, Nyota wasn't sure how it happened, and she would never forget the expression on Melissa Hannity's face when she stepped off the platform with McCoy, Spock, and the admirals in tow. When they reached the bridge, Nyota looked for Jim. He'd fallen asleep in the command chair, he did that sometimes.

"Well, there you have it. The poor kid fell asleep. Must've gotten too quiet up here." Kirk whispered, going around for a closer look. Jim wasn't the world's soundest sleeper, but Admiral Kirk didn't try to touch his son, as much as he wanted to.

"You can touch him, Jim's not going to wake up." McCoy said quietly, eyeing his slumbering best friend, "I don't know how the kid does it, but you put him in that stupid chair and _he's _tired enough, he'll sleep like the dead."

"Are you sure of that, Doctor? I can still wake straight out of a dead sleep without warning."

"Jim's not going to wake up, sir, if he cried himself to sleep." Spock added. And Nyota saw what he meant. Jim slept hardest if he'd let go first. Admiral Kirk took a huge risk and touched his son, who didn't bat an eyelash. Nyota and the boys watched, mesmerized and awed, as Admiral Kirk lifted his slumbering son out of his beloved command chair and left the bridge. They didn't follow him, he seemed to know where he was going. McCoy and Spock took their respectful leave and promised to keep it to themselves that they had seen and spoken to Admiral Kirk. Pike joined them, and Nyota snuck down to Jim's quarters to make sure she wasn't needed for anything. After settling Jim in his quarters, Nyota knew he would sleep for a while yet and followed Admiral Kirk back to the station.

* * *

When Jim woke up from a strange dream to find himself in his quarters, he was a little confused. He'd fallen asleep on the bridge, what was he doing _here_? Well, whatever else, he'd had enough isolation for one day. Taking a shower, he got dressed and headed for the station. Nyota, Bones, and Spock were there to meet him, which just made him smile. After getting three iron-clad promises that he hadn't missed any fun on the station, not that he believed it for a minute, Jim stayed with Nyota.

"You look like you actually got some sleep this time." Nyota teased.

"Did Bones and Spock come back or something? I woke up in my quarters."

"Yes, just to check on you."

"Worry-warts." Jim rolled his eyes and wondered if he should bother Nyota with his dream. It was the first time he'd dreamed about his father that didn't end in fire and death or something just as horrible, where he didn't wake up feeling like he had been cheated out of something wonderful.

"What are you thinking, Jim?" she looked up at him.

"Just wondering. I had the strangest dream about my father while I slept."

"All of your dreams are weird, Jim, what made this one any different?"

"I think it was just _seeing _him. I had this feeling he was alive, like if I looked hard enough, if I looked in the right places, I'd find him. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes, but…that _is _a little strange. Even for you."

"At least it didn't end in fiery death." Jim rubbed the back of his neck, "Lord knows I've had enough of those for one lifetime." Nyota smiled and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

"You know what Bones would say."

"I'm not getting enough sleep, which is bullshit. I've slept more in the past six _months_ than I ever did before you decided I was worth a shot." Jim rolled his eyes. As they came around a corner, Jim stepped aside to let a man in a dark gray uniform go past. He recognized the man's uniform as Admiralty, and wondered what business any of the Admirals had with Starbase 2-14. It wasn't dress-uniform, they only wore _those _at Starfleet Command or on special occasions. Jim shuddered remembering how many times Spock and Bones had fought him into the dress-uniform commanding officers had to wear at special functions. He got a look at the man's face as he turned to make eye-contact and Jim swore his heart thudded to a halt in his chest. It was like looking at his reflection, or what he figured his reflection would look like if he looked in a mirror in about thirty years or so. He would turn thirty in January, not a birthday he was looking forward to with any degree of excitement. The eye-contact only lasted a second, but that was enough for Jim to realize he was staring into eyes the exact blue _his _eyes were, the chief reason for his mother spending so much time away from home while he was growing up. He'd always been told by people that he looked _just like _his father, and what a great man George Kirk was, how brave and selfless he was. People also seemed to take some weird pleasure in reminding him that his father had _died _on the day of his birth, reason number two he hated celebrating. But…if _that _was true, then who the hell had just walked past him? Shaking off the stupor, Jim turned around.

_God, please don't let me be wrong. _He thought furiously as he crossed his fingers behind his back.

"Admiral." He didn't raise his voice, the man wasn't _that _far away.

"Jim?" Nyota touched his sleeve. He narrowed his eyes.

"Hang on a sec, Nyota. I think I'm about to prove history wrong." He kept his voice down. The man turned and Jim was grounded for precisely three seconds. The man looked him over, taking careful note of Jim's uniform, the three stripes on his sleeves, the way he stood at ease, and smiled. He smiled! Jim kept his jaw from dropping open by clenching his teeth. That was _his _smile! Fuck!

"Jim."

"Oh…my…_god_." He exhaled sharply, "No offense to the living, sir, but they always told me you were dead."

"No offense to the living taken, son. I _was _dead, for a long time."

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure. Somebody decided I was more use to the Federation alive."

"Lucky for us, huh?" Jim didn't know why he was freaking out. It really _was_ like looking at his sixty-year-old reflection. He folded his arms across his chest and smirked, "Admiral Pike was right, I really _do _look like you."

"That's what your mother told me." The admiral's smile turned sad, but it was probably the first time someone mentioned Winona Kirk and Jim didn't feel a sting of antipathy.

"She used to tell me that, too. Right before she'd run away to deep-space and leave me with Sam." Jim shrugged, "Took me a long time to forgive her."

"But you did make your peace?"

"Yeah, I did. Right after we got home alive from kicking Romulan ass in Sector 002."

"I heard about that little fiasco, I also told Admiral Barnett he was an idiot of the world's highest order if he kept up any of those charges."

"Which I deserved, by the way."

"Help in high places, son."

"Oh, don't worry, I won't be taking you for granted." Jim wondered if that dream had been a harbinger of _this _meeting. No matter, his father wasn't dead and he really _did _have help in high places.

"I think you and I need to talk, Jim."

"Yeah we do. Eni, do you mind?" he didn't want to run Nyota off, he'd love to keep her around for moral support, but…well. Nyota, god bless the girl's understanding, just smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll find the boys, we'll be fine. Take your time, Jim. You've got thirty years of catching up to do."

"Oh, not all at once. Good god!" He made a face that made _her _laugh, and then she was gone. Once she _was _gone, Jim turned to his watchful father.

"Walk with me, Captain." His father turned away and Jim fell into step with him. They just walked in companionable silence for a while, something Jim just couldn't _do_, but this time it was just nice to…be in the moment with no expectations.

"I can't believe you don't have a million questions."

"I really don't, sir. Just one."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Why did you wait so long?" Jim looked sideways at his father, curious, "I've been captain for five years, why did you wait so long?"

"I wasn't sure you could handle the brutal truth, Jim. Your mother had a full-scale psychological collapse when I finally had the guts to reveal myself."

"Mom flies off the handle for anything, don't take it personally." Jim tried not to roll his eyes, "She's always been like that."

"I wasn't sure if you'd accept me, after everything you'd been told growing up, everything you'd been through."

"I would have given anything for someone like you when I was growing up, someone who cared."

"I _do _care, Jim, and I wish there were words enough to tell you how bloody _proud _I am of everything you've done. First the Academy, even cheating on Commander Spock's no-win test, and then pulling your crew through the chaos of the Romulan attack on Federation space and our very existence. Not to mention the various places and experiences you've had in the five years since then."

"Making me the youngest captain in Starfleet, which didn't make me a whole lot of friends. Some people thought I was too young to be put in charge of our flagship, still do. I'm almost thirty and they _still _think I'm too young and too reckless." Jim frowned, "Do you have _any _idea how utterly frustrating that is? It's like the world at large has absolutely _no _faith in me, whatever, to do my job efficiently. It hurts, but I can't show them that."

"Jim?"

"What?"

"How long have you kept that to yourself?"

"Too long, I guess." He sighed and raked one hand through his hair, "Ugh. Five years and just a handful of gray hairs to show for _that_."

"Your grandfather didn't go gray until he was seventy."

"I doubt he was a Starfleet Captain in command of the flagship."

"Mmm, no." His father chuckled, "They've been dying to get in touch with you, but you've been so busy there was never time."

"Wait a minute." Jim stopped, "Wait a second, they're _alive_?"

"Yes."

"And…they care?"

"Last I checked, very much."

"What is it with Kirks and communication? Good god!" Jim wasn't surprised he hadn't heard from any relatives, but having someone to write home to would have been nice.

"You know what they say, Jim. Better late than never."

"I'll blame Mom for keeping them away." Jim shrugged, "And myself for not trying harder after I was on my own."

"On a different note but related, Chris said something about Christmas. Why do you hate it so much?"

"Because it never existed as something to be grateful for, there was never a reason to look forward to Christmas when I was little. It was just another day of the year. Like my birthday, which I _don't _celebrate."

"I don't blame you for that. As for Christmas, it would have been nice for your crew to be with their families for once."

"I would have gone into hiding, probably. I like making other people happy, but I hate not being able to share that with them." Jim scuffed at the deck with the toe of his boot, and wondered what it would have been like to have a family Christmas for once, since it sounded like he actually had family that would have been willing to celebrate with him. With presents, a tree, the whole nine yards. Instead of another Christmas in deep-space lightyears from home and loved ones.

"What are you thinking?"

"Trying to calculate how long it would take to get the Enterprise from here to Earth in time for Christmas."

"If you pushed the Enterprise to Factor 6, and I _know _she can do it, three or four days, _may_be a week." His father shrugged, "You'd be home just in time for Christmas Eve."

"Just one problem, no orders to report home." He suddenly wanted nothing more than to be home for Christmas. The party would still happen, it had to, because without orders they were stuck out here.

"Is that your only concern?"

"A logical one, actually."

"Jim, I don't wear these stripes because they look good. I can do something with them." His father gave him a once-over, "You get back to the Enterprise, I'll hunt down Chris, and we'll get you kids home for Christmas."

"Really?"

"Am I or am I _not _an Admiral?"

"Never thought I'd be making use of _that _so soon! Thank you!" Jim shook hands with his father and raced off to find his officers. He'd tell them first, but no one else until after the party. He'd learned during their five years together that he could run the Enterprise with only his Senior Officers at their stations. That much was easy. Scotty was the only one they really had to worry about, he liked to drink heavily during holidays because it was the only time he really _could_.

* * *

**_Yay! Jim gets to go home for Christmas! Thoughts? Just wait until you meet his grandparents! Click, review!_**


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